Adoptive parents have many different ways of handling their childrens' situations. Many families talk about adoption, abandonment & such very openly. There are also families who don't talk about these issues. Some families talk about birthparents while others don't. It's a choice. A very personal choice that each family has to make given their own circumstances. Some children have a need to talk about these things while other children don't have that same need.
We have been very open with Erin about her adoption. She knows that she is adopted & comes from China. (Believe it or not, there are parents who haven't told their child(ren) they are adopted.) David & I make sure to tell her all the time how happy we are that we all adopted each other. Over the years Erin has refused to admit that she is actually Chinese & wants nothing to do with her birth country &/or culture. The day that we received Erin, she immediately rejected anything Chinese to the point of tantrums. In the last year, this has gotten easier on all of us. Since she was granted citizenship (May 2009), Erin has started to come around.
The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend who mentioned that it was time for "the talk" with one of her children. That conversation had me laughing so hard! I decided to ask Erin if she knew where babies come from. She told me that some babies come from their mommies tummies. I asked where the rest of the babies came from & she told me "Orphanages." Yikes! I think the whole thing is that it comes down to a child's life experience. I let the topic drop because Erin started to get all embarrassed. When she's embarrassed, all Erin wants to do it hide. I figure I can let it rest for a few more weeks.
I'm pretty sure that Erin will understand when we have that talk that she has a birth family. In fact, I'm pretty sure that she knows it already. Viv's daughter Kerri has talked about these things pretty openly in front of Erin on some of their visits down here. She just hasn't come to terms with the whole thing, but that's okay.
Me? I don't think of Erin's birth family often. We'll never know the true reason that Erin was abandoned. I refuse to dwell upon it & get all depressed. However, there are days that I do think of a certain lady in Southern China. I hope & pray that somehow she knows her sweet baby is alright. I thank her for leaving Erin in a safe & public place to be found. I also think of the birth father. Most of the time, people tend to forget that there is a man involved in this situation. We tend to concentrate on the birthmother & how she did or didn't feel upon having to abandon her baby. How many birthfathers out there had a choice? How many of them actually wanted to abandon their baby after watching it grow in the mother's womb for 9 months? So, yes, I think of him too.
One day Erin will start to have questions about her birthparents. David & I have decided not to sugarcoat her story. We will be honest. "We don't know Erin." That's the answer we have to give her. And it sucks, but honesty is the best we can do for her.
