Learning to Listen

I've learned to listen to me. 

Not anyone else. 

 

I've learned to trust my own instincts when it comes to Erin. 

Since I became a mother in 2003, I've had to learn so much. 

I listened to many people. 

Do this. 

No. 

Don't do this. 

Do that.

One person decided that since I wasn't going to mother my child the way she mothered her own child, she didn't want me in her life.  I wasn't listening.  To her.  I cried about it.  For weeks.

Overwhelmed.

That's how I felt.

Here we are almost 8 years later.  I'm finally learning to listen.  To Me.  No one else.

Each year in school, I was concerned about Erin's progress.  She wasn't keeping up.  Everyone told me to wait until Winter Break.  She'll catch up around Christmas they all told me.

This year I stopped listening to everyone else.  I approached Erin's teachers almost immediately with my concerns.  To a one they all listened.  To me.  This time someone was listening to what I had to say.

So now Erin reads.  But doesn't comprehend what she's reading.

So now Erin can do simple math.  But doesn't retain it.

So now Erin can write a small essay.  But doesn't always keep on track.

So now I've put my foot down.

I have 4 amazing advocates for Erin at her school.  Her 3 teachers have been with me each & every step of the way.  Her principal has listened to what I have to say.

I am so sad that I never made anyone sit up & listen & hear.

To Erin.  Who was floundering.

To Me.  Who had the degree & is the parent but was unsure.

We received the results of Erin's benchmark testing & the FCAT.

They heard me.

But more importantly they heard Erin.

If you've heard me. 
In some small way. 
Learn my lesson. 
Please.

Listen.
Listen to yourself.
But most importantly.
Listen to your child.

Her Eyes Rock!

Today was the appointment to have Erin's vision checked.  I am always amazed at how Erin takes some things in stride.  I hate going to the eye doctor.  I've been seeing them since I was 2, and it hasn't changed for me.  The experience is always awful. 

When they called both Erin and me at the same time, I wanted her to go first.  My theory was that if she went first, then she wouldn't see me all stressed out.  I shouldn't have worried.  She breezed right through the exam.  David and I told him our different concerns - dyslexia (his concern) and developmental issues (my concern).  Dr. Gendall was thrilled with Erin.  According to him, she has perfect vision and her vision tracking is so good that she should be an athlete.  Good guess since she has been taking karate since she was 4 1/2 and loves to play sports!

Apparently my college education was valid.  It is his opinion that any issues are developmental due to her young age.  He recommended a doctor to have her evaluated, and I will definitely be looking into this.

The Oh So Special Annie T

Annie became a very special person in our lives when Erin was about 18 months old.  She used to be a server at one of our very favorite sushi places. 

From the first time that they saw each other, both Annie & Erin have had a connection.  Back then, Erin wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything even slightly Asian.  Annie quickly set about making sure that Erin realized being Chinese was special.  When we went to the restaurant, she always took special care of Erin - drawing her famous mini-rabbit on Erin's lemonade cups, teaching her to use chopsticks, even taking her to see the koi pond that is in the restaurant!

When Erin was about 4, Annie left the restaurant & moved south.  Before she left, Annie wanted to make sure that Erin didn't forget her & gave her a gift.  Of course, you know it had to be a bunny.  Yup.  A 5 foot tall stuffed, pink rabbit.  We actually kept it until this past week when we discovered that Riker & Troi had been giving Pink Bunny (Erin named it!) a haircut. 

We even went to visit Annie once at the restaurant that she moved to.  Yes.  David drove an hour just to go see this very special person.  Anyone who knows David, knows he doesn't go anywhere unless there is a very good reason! In the middle of the day.  In the middle of a crowded restaurant.  Annie & Erin saw each other & the tone for the afternoon was set.  Yes.  This girl must have been special.

David & I always talked about how we needed to go & visit Annie, but time got away from us.  Between both of our jobs, being parents & life in general, we never made it down to visit Annie again.  It bothered us, & we lost touch for a while.

FaceB**k is so amazing that Annie & I found each other again.  Immediately she asked how Erin was doing  & wanted to see pics.  When Erin discovered that Annie was one of my FB friends, she demanded to see pics of Annie.  Since this time, Annie has gone on to a wonderful career working with the Taiwan Cultural Association.  (Sorry if I got the exact name wrong Annie.) 

Annie has continually invited all of us to the many Asian cultural events in S FL.  She insists that Erin be proud of who she is & where she came from.  That said, a few days ago Annie sent us tickets to the Taiwanese American Heritage "Chinese Diabolo & Folk Sports Performance" event that was practically around the corner from our house.  Erin asked that her buddy Chianna come to the event along with her parents. 

What a great evening!! Both Erin & Chianna were totally amazed by the kids' performance.  Heck! Shari, Myke & I were pretty amazed too!  To top it all off, Annie & Erin got to see each other after 4 years.  I don't know who was more excited!

Annie, thank you.  Thank you for being such a kind & caring person.  Thank you for helping Erin to see that being Chinese is important.  Thank you for being you!

Oh! And Annie, I finally found the chops that we got from China.  Now we have to get together again so you can translate them for me.  Let's not wait another 4 years!

Swimming Lessons

Woo hoo!! We finally did it!

Over the last few years Erin has learned to enjoy swimming.  She enjoys it so much that our neighbors think she came with their pool.  ;-)

Aside from a few lessons back when Erin & I traveled to Texas for our travel group reunion, she has never been given formal lessons.  Living where we do, that is a big no no.  Sad to say, but drowning is something we hear about almost weekly in S FL.  Whenever we have allowed Erin to go swimming, there has always been someone around who is certified in CPR.

Since Erin isn't going to camp this summer, David & I are trying to find ways to fill her days.  I've been talking with my friend Lisa about swimming lessons.  Her son & daughter take them each summer.  This time I decided that I would look into getting Erin the formal lessons she really needs to have.

With Lisa's help, I found out where our city gives the lessons & evaluates the children to see where they are at in their swimming skills.  This morning, after a world class tantrum about how she knows everything there is to know about swimming, David & I took Erin to get evaluated.  The young lady who did the evaluation was very nice & explained to Erin that there are always things to learn.

So.  Erin starts taking Swimming Fundamentals 2 on June 4th.  We couldn't find a time during the week that worked.  All of the available time slots were either at 8:00 am or at 5:00 pm.  We had told Erin that this summer she could sleep late.  8:00 am class wasn't going to let her do that.  The 5:00 pm class was going to coincide with her karate lessons.  Karate is a priority in our home.  Not knowing what to do, we turned the decision over to Erin.  She decided to take her lessons on Saturday & Sunday mornings at 11:00 am.  We're hoping she won't complain too much since she made the choice.  We'll see. 

Either way, Erin is all set to learn about proper breathing & swim strokes.  She looks good in the water & does have a good base but needs to get more of a foundation.  If she likes it, maybe we'll sign her up for another session.

Have I Really Failed Her?

Where do I start?  There is so much going on.  I feel as if I've failed Erin in some way.  Actually in many ways.  Perhaps I've been too pigheaded, stubborn or not wanted to see what was going on.  Now that I see it, all I can do is cry.

Erin has a late summer birthday - July 30th which means that she started VPK not long after she turned 4.   I thought back then that maybe it would be in her best interest to retain her, but her teacher told me not to worry because she would catch up.  When she was in Kindergarten, I noticed that she was having a hard time but again listened to her teacher.  .  Her 1st/2nd grade cluster teachers were really sweet & told me not to pressure Erin.  I didn't.  And each year, right after Winter Break, Erin did catch up

This year, 3rd grade, I have been having conferences with her teachers consistently.  We all agree that Erin is all over the place.  She can come home with A's & B's as easily as she comes home with D's & F's.  Her comprehension & retention don't seem to be catching up this year.  It breaks my heart each time she gets in my car at pickup & tells me "I tried my hardest but all I got was a ---.  I'm sorry mama."

FCAT time was awful.  Absolutely awful.  Each day she would tell me that the test was hard but that she really tried her best.  Not long after this, her teachers were showing some movies in class.  One day she came home so happy to have seen The S*und of Mus!c that she was singing all the songs.  Another day she came  home & told me that she saw a movie again.  This time when I asked her about the movie, she didn't remember anything - the name of the movie, who was in it - not even what it was about.  I was heartbroken.

The key thing here is that Erin's teachers are amazing.  They are totally on board with David & me.  I love that we are working as a team.  They are open to any & all questions & have given me some good advice.  Her homeroom teacher Mrs. W. who is also her reading teacher has been very open with me about her own experiences with her son.  Now how often have you known a teacher to be downright human!?  She has told me that if Erin is retained, it won't be the end of the world for either Erin or us because in the end, Erin will do what Erin will do.  She is all for doing the right thing & not passing her to the next grade just because that is what is expected.  All 3 teachers (Mrs. W., Mrs. C. & Mrs. C) want me to wait until the SAT test scores are in before we make any decisions.

Another area of concern is Erin's vision.  The last time she saw an eye doctor was 2 years ago.  David took her to a very highly recommended pediatric opthomologist.  This doctor was thrilled that Erin had no issues.  Then again, he is a specialist so he sees children who have problems.  At last year's annual doctor appt, Erin's eyes were only "ok."  David is worried that Erin is dyslexic because she writes the wrong letter &/or number sometimes.  It is very common for children to confuse 6/9, b/d, m/n along with some other mistakes.  This is a developmental issue.  However, David thinks there is a real problem.

So.

Next Saturday we have an appointment for Erin to see our eye doctor.  Thankfully, Erin knows this doctor & likes him.  Of course, I'm not sure how much she's going to like him when he goes to dilate her eyes.  I know I don't like him very much when he does that to me.  We plan on asking him to see if he can find any problems which need further exploration.  If she does need glasses, I'm thankful that Erin has friends who wear glasses - not just the adults in her life.  For now she thinks they're cool.  Then again, there are so many styles from which to choose these days.

We've also decided that we are going to ask to have Erin retained in 3rd grade.  It's been so hard on her this year.  Yes.  We discussed it with Erin.  We talked about the people she knows who have repeated a grade & asked if she thought poorly of these people.  Being who she is, she said no & looked as if she wanted to make sure we hadn't lost our minds.  We told her, quite honestly, that  we believe she had a very rough time in school this year & want her to have the chance to do her absolute best before going on to 4th grade which would be even harder.  We emphasized that she had done nothing wrong but that this would be a good opportunity for her to strengthen her skills.  Imagine our shock when Erin told us she thought this was a good idea! She isn't upset in the least.  Maybe that is because somewhere, deep down, she knows she isn't ready to move on.

This coming Monday I will be calling Erin's school.  I am going to set up a conference to discuss having her retained in the 3rd grade.  I want to insure that she is retained but still has the same teachers.  They have been utterly phenomenal to work with.  I also want to speak with the ESE specialist.  David & I want to get Erin tested for learning disabilities. 

It's time.  Maybe there is nothing wrong.  But what if there is something wrong?  Good G-d.  Have I allowed her to go for so long without being aware?  Have I really been so pigheaded that I've put her in harm's way?

Mothers Day

Each year at Erin's school, the children have the opportunity to buy & decorate a cake from Publ!x. She really enjoys the whole process of decorating a cake & giving it to me. And I enjoy her joy!

After picking Erin up from school, I needed to run over to W*lmart for a few things. I asked if she wanted to tag along since I knew I'd be quick. (Of course she always forgets that to me "quick" means an hour.) While we were there, Erin decided she wanted to buy me flowers. She was so upset when she realized she didn't have any cash with her. I told her not to worry about the money, she should just pick out what she wanted. It was so darn cute watching her pick out flowers. I loved watching her decide which flowers she wanted to buy me. Turns out she picked my fave roses - yellow.

David wanted to know what I wanted for Mothers' Day. Being the simplistic person I am, I told him that I didn't want anything other than to laze around once I got home from Hebrew school.

And that is exactly what I've been doing!

Our First Easter

This year, Erin & I attended our first Easter family event ever.

Jolene invited Erin & me up to her home so we could celebrate with her family. Erin & I went up Saturday afternoon to spend the night. We went to dinner & then off to Tarjay for a quick shop. Once back at Jolene's, Erin helped out by cleaning & swiffering. My girl loves to Swiffer! Relaxation was the order of the evening once we convinced Jolene to sit down. Erin watched Tangled with Jolene while I sat & read.

Sunday morning we got up & started to get the house ready. Once Jade & Emma got home, it was all we could do to keep the 3 girls calm & inside. If you can imagine, we convinced Erin & Jade to wear their dresses all day!

Jolene's family is amazing. Her parents & sister's family have taken to Erin like ducks to water. They are just so warm & welcoming. Before we all sat down to lunch, Jolene's dad (a/k/a Poppa) started with grace. I explained to Erin that their grace is different than ours so we needed to stand their quietly & say "amen" when it was over. I'm happy to say that Erin didn't fidget even once.

And then we went about our day - eating a lovely lunch, talking with each other & laughing. What a lovely day!

*** ARGH!!! Blogger isn't allowing me to post any of the pics I took!!!***

 

Passover Seder for 3

When I was growing up, my parents hosted all of the religious holiday meals in our home.  Sad to say but we had the only kosher & observant home in our family.  I always loved knowing that as a family we would put together a nice holiday evening.  Passover was probably my favorite holiday since my mother allowed me to start helping with the preparations when I was about 8 years old.  She showed me how to make charoses, & to this day I have great memories of sitting at the kitchen table with my mother & grandmother while we all did our thing.

When David & I got married, it wasn't long after that my dad moved to California so we went to David's family for the religious holidays & my family for the secular holidays.  For some reason, his family only did the Passover Seder on the first night.  It's a tradition that continues to this day, & now that we have our own beautiful daughter, we decided to change things up a bit.

Erin & I went to our niece Deena's house for the first night.  Seder was definitely interesting.  This year, we decided that Erin needed to experience her own family Seder.  I set about preparing our dinner in the hopes I wouldn't poison anyone. 

I cooked the roast chicken with potatoes & onions, which by the way were totally yummilicious.  I decided that Erin needed to take an active part in the process.  Since I started making the charoses when I was 8 years old, I knew this would be a good time for her to start.  The thing here is that I spent days looking for a new recipe.  I'm highly allergic to walnuts so I needed something that wasn't the traditional Ashkenazi charoses.  After looking up a few recipes, I took a little from here & a little from there.

The Seder didn't go as easily as I had hoped.  However, we did have one.  Hopefully next year's Seder will go better.

Seder Plate

Simple salad using heirloom tomatoes & English cucumbers from the farmers' market we went to a few days earlier.

Walnut-free charoses - not bad at all

 Roast chicken

The table

Local Farmers' Market

This morning Erin & I went to the local farmers' market with some of our friends.  We were so looking forward to a morning in the great outdoors - sunshine, friends, fresh fruit & veggies along with other yummy treats.  We couldn't ask for a better day!

I knew that we were meeting Shari & Myke with their daughter Chianna.  I don't know who was looking forward to it more - Erin & Chianna or Shari & me.  As we were getting ready to plan, Lori & Marc came over with Katie Starr & Ethan - better known as the DD.  The day couldn't get any better as far as all of the children were concerned.

Growing up on Long Island, my parents used to take my brother & me to the Farmers Market in Bethpage.   Oh, the memories! We used to go & my parents made sure that along with our purchases, we always got cannolis to enjoy while we were walking around.  And you couldn't find a better pickle anywhere on The Island! The highlight of the night for me was the carousel.  I can still see my mom & dad walking & talking & just enjoying themselves.

Needless to say, having these memories, I was thrilled when Shari mentioned a local farmers' market here! Of course, I should have thought better & realized that in FL, it was going to be outdoors.  I'd forgotten that I adore air conditioning & went along.  I'm so glad that I did.

Erin, Chianna, Katie Starr & Ethan loved walking around.  They got to see a few cows, a pot-bellied pig & some dog breeds they hadn't seen before.  Ethan was intent on finding some baby spinach.  (If only his buddy Erin would have some interest in a green vegetable!) 

There were booths with specialty oils, sauces, jams/preserves, breads, pastries, pastas & so much more! Seeing all of the vegetables & fruit that are grown locally was cool.  I couldn't believe the size of the red onions! 

See for yourself!

Getting ready to go shop!

Ah! Some nice cool mango juice!

Elsie looks happy

Mona the Pot-Bellied Pig

No honey is as good as when it's in the honeycomb

Birthday Party, Bowling & Pizza

This month Erin's friend Samantha turns 8.  Her parents Seth & Linda invited a ton of people to a bowling party! What a great idea! Of course I knew that my friends Jan & Michelle would be there with Erin's buddy Lauren.  What I didn't realize was that Shari & Myke would be there with Chianna.  How cool is it that the kids got introduced to a great way to spend an afternoon?  Pizza & bowling?  Always a good time!

Must have these to go down the lane!

Look at the cool colors! No blah blue or red for these kids!

Face Painting is a must at birthday parties these days

She always goes for a blue design.  Go figure.

You have to have pizza when you go bowling!

You don't know?

Searching for a job is hard.  Searching for the right job is even harder. 

So much has changed since I last looked for one that I feel like a fish out of water.  Let's face it.  I started working for First Uni*n in 1996 & never looked back.  I loved what I did there.  Right up until the H*lls Farg* merger. 

When last I searched for a job, you asked questions about salary, benefits, hours required, job duties, etc.  Now if you were just changing companies, all you really needed to ask about were the salary, the benefits & the hours.  The person interviewing you asked all of the questions & was really looking to see if your answers matched your resume.

Needless to say, there have been changes in the last 15 years.  Now you post your resume online & based upon key words &/or phrases, you may or may not match a job.  I've gotten about 5 or 6 phone calls for sales jobs.  I'm not selling insurance.  It isn't who am.  It isn't who I want to be. 

I've also had 2 interviews in the last month.  I thought both went well.  Apparently not.  I haven't gotten a call back letting me know either way.  It's hard.  I worked for the same company for 14 years & was let go because of a witch hunt.  How do you explain to a prospective employer that there was a witch hunt & they were looking to get rid of people who knew too much, were paid too highly (not me!) or who didn't fit their corporate image?  I've been honest about everything. 

Maybe it's because the only questions I've had have been about salary & benefits.  Both interviewers told me that they don't know the salary being offered.  It's handled through HR.  Really?  Don't people who go into an interview these days want to know what they'd be making?  If you are the manager of an office, why don't you know what the offered salary will be?  Aren't you the one who will be reviewing my work?  Recommending me for an increase? 

Do you realize how silly that sounds?  I mean.  After all, if your job is paying below a certain $$ amount, it may not be worth the interviewee's time.  One job I interviewed with was for a part-time position - 3 days a week.  If the office is closed for a federal holiday, there would be no pay.  Oh! And there are no benefits for a part-timer.  What would entice me to work for a company that doesn't pay me for the days that I'm scheduled to work but they're closed?  That means that for 10 days a year, I don't get paid.  That also means that for the 3 days I do work, if something happens to me healthwise, I can't call out sick but also won't be able to go to a dr visit because you're not offering me insurance.  I better be healthier than the proverbial horse everyone is always talking about!!

The other interview I went on seemed to go really well.  The interviewer was friendly & informative.  We seemed to hit it off well.

We'll see.  I'm not holding my breath.

Birthday for a Starr!

Erin & her buddy Ethan

 

2 Lovely Grandmas



Silly Faces

  

The Birthday Girl & Her Lovely Mommy

 



Yummy Cake!

 

Gotta have birthday cake!



And, finally, The Birthday Girl!

Yesterday, Erin & I went to a birthday party.  Katie Starr is 6!! Watching this little girl grow up has been pure delight.  From a sweet, frightened baby to a social butterfly who knows what she wants.  From the innocence of being a baby to the child who gives more than she takes.  That is Katie Starr!!

While Erin played with her buddies in the bounce house or in the play area, I got to sit around & chat with some wonderful friends.  I took a ton of pics! Going through them after Erin & I got home allowed me to enjoy the party all over again!

It was a perfect day to celebrate a perfect Starr.

Referral Day via FaceBook

So much of life is on FaceB**k these days.  While FB was originally intended as a social networking outlet for college students, people of all ages have gotten hooked.  I'm one of those people.  It allows me to keep in touch with so many people from all different parts of my life.

In consideration of Erin's Referral Day & all of the people who took the journey with me, I posted 2 times about this special day.  Rather than go through a whole long post, I thought it would be neat to document it via my status updates & the comments from my friends.

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Happy Referral Day to Erin & all of our Waiting Hearts!! I can't believe it's been 8 years since I first saw my girl's sweet face for the very first time.

Michelle Platts, Shari Maxwell McConahay, Lyssette Cowart and 3 others like this.

Vivian Kotler Masson Happy Referral Day!!!

Peggy Bond Hoole I'm remembering how very exciting that day was...photo after photo of the most beautiful children ever!!! Happy 8th referral day, Erin!

Lisa Ciasca Congrats and Happy Referral Day!

Tara Penick Happy Referral Day Hersh Family! Love the feelings and memories that come flooding back :)

Shari Maxwell McConahay Happy Referral Day!

Candy Ostrow Wow, Eight Years! Congratulations. Erin is such a sweet girl. Wishing you a wonderful day!

Kristina Edgerly Schultz Happy Referral Day! I hope you enjoy your walk down memory lane. :)

Susan McCloskey and haven't those 8 years gone by quickly fellow Waiting Hearts?

Shannon Chase Przelomski Happy Referral day Tammie- I always love hearing you tell your April Fool's Day Referral story ! :)

 

AND

 

It was 8 years ago in just a few minutes that I got The Call. After waiting forever, my SW called me to tell me it was my turn. I was so angry that I yelled at her about being rude & not funny. Emily @ GWCA, thank you for calling back!

Gretchen Day Fricke, Margarita Mandoki McClain and 2 others like this.

Haydee Frost awww... I'm sure you were not the first!!! You were entitled to any outbursts possible... Congrats on that moment "anniversary"...

Stephanie Shields Ranly I had forgotten it was today! You brought back some good memories!

Gretchen Day Fricke What great memories! (and I remember you getting upset when they first called....lol!)

Angel Tallmage Maharrey Happy day!!!

Sherry Sevy What an amazing day it was.....happy referral day!

 

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I tried to upload Erin's referral pics, but Bl*gger isn't allowing me to do so.  ARGH.

Spring Break Fun

Last week was Spring Break for Erin.  Luckily enough, it was also Spring Break for Jolene's girls Jade & Emma.  That said, we arranged a sleepover!

Erin & I drove up Tuesday morning.  We went shopping for a few things at our fave store Target.  I found Erin a few pair of shorts & new cargo pants.  We went out for lunch with Jolene's sister Missy to On the Border because I wanted to try a new place.  Oh my! The chili relleno was yummilicious!

That night we got to celebrate Emma's 6th birthday with her Grandma & Poppa.  Jolene made her spaghetti & meat sauce with my fave dessert - pink lemonade cupcakes! Of course, they're also Emma's fave too.  They have to be because they're pink!  I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time.  Jolene's parents are really nice & oh! the stories we could tell you from that night!  Let's just say "email" & "GPS."

The next day we went to The Morikami.  It was the first time for both Erin & myself.  Wow! That place is gorgeous! The gardens are lovely but the walk was long. 

The one place we didn't get to visit was the tea house.  By that time my back was gone.  It was truly a lovely way to spend the day with great friends.

Erin & I left to go home later that afternoon.  Right before she fell asleep in the car, Erin asked if we could go back to The Morikami to see the tea house.  I guess it made an impression upon her.  And as she fell asleep that same night, Erin asked if we could see an actual tea ceremony & if she could also take some pics &/or video.  I told her that we would definitely look into it. 

The next morning I called Jolene.  We're going to find out when the next tea ceremony will be & make arrangements for me to take the girls.