I'm not sure why but I truly do feel a light shining down on the horizon. I just got off the phone with Viv who is trying her darndest to kick some sense into me.
This past week has been awful. Things are coming to a head finally. Maybe that's what I need to have happen.
Last Sunday was the school's model Seder. We combined the kindergarten, 1st & 2nd grades for Seder. It didn't go well. Then again, I didnt expect it to go well. (Anyone ever heard of the Pygmalion Effect?) We are 5 teachers who don't do things the same way. There was no time to practice &/or prepare. My class never got to do their project. I felt like it was total chaos. After it was over, parents came over to tell us that it was a nice day. Go figure. They ignored what we were trying to do. Their children were ignored in favor of chatting. But they had a good time. Okay.
The stress at the bank is ridiculous. I've finally come to terms with my new manager & our different ways of doing things, & now there's a different kind of stress. It never ends. Most of it is my fault because I'm so set in my ways. The good news is that I can learn from my mistakes & move on.
I've never been very confident in myself. I get stuck in a rut & don't know how to get out. I got into my industry 22 years ago by accident & haven't figured out what I know how to do. Sounds strange. I've got loyal clients & co-workers who believe in me. So why can't I believe in myself? I'm amazingly organized. I give 110% of myself at any job so I get upset when I don't do as well as I should. I like to help people & believe in doing things the right way or not at all.
There are problems but I need to get off my duff & work them out in my own mind. One of the things I've done to start is to get back on my meds. The panic & depression will take a hold & not let go if I don't stay on track with them.
I hereby refuse to give in.