Sunday, April 25, 2010

They Talk Too Much

Lately I've had a hard time getting Erin to wake up for school on Sundays.  I feel for her.  I really do.  The kid goes to school for her public education Monday through Friday.  Then she has to wake up on Sundays also for her formal religious instruction.  To make it even harder for her, we need to leave the house no later than 7:45 so that I can be early & set up my own classroom.  This wasn't a problem until the last few months. 

She actually started by telling David yesterday that she didn't want to go to Hebrew school today.  Whenever we ask her why, she answers "Because."  Shocking! I know.  And this morning was a humdinger let me tell you.  David came to help me out this morning because my frustration level was pretty high.  We got her dressed, fed & in my car ready to go.

Once we walk into the synagogue, Erin becomes a different child.  She owns the place, & she knows it.  I've been teaching there for the last 20 years so almost everyone there has been aware of her adoption.  Everyone stops to say hi to her, & she offers to help each person with setting up their classroom.  This morning she only wanted to follow me around.  No problem.  I love it.

On the way home from Hebrew school, Erin mentioned that she didn't like sitting with the girls because they talk so much.  I suggested she instead sit with the boys but she informed me that they talk too much also.  Having had most of this class last year, I know she's telling the truth.  I reminded Erin that when she goes to school during the week, she is also a chatterbox so I wanted to know what the big deal was.

Erin promptly tells me that she is in Hebrew school to learn about being Jewish.  (Makes a mother proud!) I told her that this news made me very happy & would also make her daddy extremely happy.  I told her that since she wasn't born Jewish & was converted when she came home, it made me feel good knowing that she loves learning about Judaism. 

She thought it over for a moment & then asked the question.  "Mama does that mean I was born a Christian?" 

Okay.  Interesting take on my comment & one I was totally unprepared for.  However, being the fast thinker that I tend to be I gave her an answer.   Which answer?  The honest one.

I don't really know Erin.  There are many people in China.  Some people are Jewish as in Kaifeng or Shanghai.  Some people are Christian.  Some people are Buddhist.  I did mention that there are also people who don't worship G-d at all because that is how they are raised.

It seemed to be enough for Erin today.

Me?  I wonder what question will be next & when she will ask it.  I do know one thing though.  I'll answer honestly.  Too bad "I don't know." will be the answer to many of her questions.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Life Changes All the Time

Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes not so much.  Either way, there's always stress of some kind.

Last Monday I was let go from my job after 14 years.  I hadn't been happy at my job since I was transferred in January.  Apparently I was unhappy enough to make some decisions "they" weren't happy about.  Oh well.  I still stand by my decision, & when I lay my head down each night, it is without guilt. 

I got so upset about things that I agreed to go back on all of my meds to help with the stress.  I couldn't think straight & was crying all the time.  I was constantly angry at the world.  Life at home was affected which meant I was unable to be the wife & mother that I want to be.  My behavior directly affects David & Erin. I was tired of it.

Instead, I have made the very conscious decision to be fine.  I'm not going to allow their foolish decision to direct my life.  I'm still a little lost.  After all, I've been working at one thing or another since I was old enough to babysit.  Last Thursday after I dropped Erin at school, I was driving back home & called David.  I asked him "So now what do I do?"  Being the supportive guy that he is, he told me to go home, relax & start scrapbooking.  As far as he is concerned, I should take a break.  My friends seem to agree.

Each day I'm trying to do some chores around the house - things that I've wanted to accomplish but have been too busy working.  Laundry is the bane of my existence.  I truly despise doing it, but as of right now, I have to fold the towels & I'm done for tonight.  Of course, it will start up again tomorrow, but 90% of it is done.

I'll start looking for another job in earnest next week.  But for now, I'm fine.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Looking Back Looking Forward

I should have blogged on April 1st.  Bad momma! Well, it's been a hard week, & I'm still waiting for answers that won't happen until some time this coming week.  I hope the answers are positive.  Either way . . .

Looking Back:

April 1, 2003 THE CALL finally came! Each year I think about it & laugh at the wonder of the day.  This day is my parents' wedding anniversary.  Since my mom passed away in 1985 I avoided the day.  I stopped playing April Fools jokes, was never in a good mood, etc.  I went to work all depressed.  We were still waiting for our call from Great Wall China Adoption.  It had been a really long time since our DTC (dossier to China) on February 28, 2002 & the wait was endless & horrible.  The day before, people in our Waiting Hearts group had started to get their referrals.  Why hadn't we received our call?  Oh! The frustration!

2:44 pm my cell phone rang.  It never rang while I was at work! I answered it & heard "Tammie, it's your turn."  I got so ticked off & yelled at the person.  "This is NOT funny!" & hung up.

2:45 pm my cell phone rang again.  The voice said "Wait Tammie! It's Emily from Great Wall.  This really is your call.  Get a pen & paper."  And my life changed forever.  All the hard work.  All the paper chasing (done totally backwards mind you).  All the waiting.  DONE. 

We found out who our daughter was:

Chun Hua Xu born on July 30. 2002.  On Jan 21, 2003 she weighed 14.3 pounds & was 24 inches long   She was living in the Yangchun Social Welfare Institute in Guangdong province.  We would be traveling on or about June 3rd to finally meet our daughter.

Looking Forward:

Today Erin is 7 years old.  This is the first year that she is really aware of what Referral Day, Gotcha Day & Forever Family Day means.  Later in the afternoon, Erin asked me.  "Is this the time momma when you knew who I was?"  David & I spoke with Erin about how everyone was told about her.  We called Zaydie & Bubbie to tell them & had them open the email so they could see her picture.  Grandma & Grandpa weren't so great with email so we drove up to their house to show them her picture on email.  The aunts & uncles were all called.  And I cried.  This year, Erin understands it all.

We have been blessed by G-d above each & every day with this beautiful child.