Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"Mama I Dreaming"

This is what Erin comes out to tell me each night after she's been asleep for a while. And, each night I ask her what she's dreaming about. Her answer? "I don't know."
Last night after this happened 2 or 3 times, she asked me to come stay with her so I did. We've been trying to get Erin to tell us what she's dreaming about but never get an answer. She just gets very upset & starts to cry. I let it go last night & just sat there holding her. At one point she rolled over & said "I dreaming that they taking me away."
Did you hear my heart fall on the floor? I asked her to repeat herself & she got upset again so I went & got David. On the way into the bedroom, I gave him a heads up, & oh, you didn't hear his heart drop either?
We both went to talk with Erin about her comment. Together we were able to discover that Erin's dreams are about someone (anyone) taking her away from us. It about killed us to hear this come out of her mouth, but I guess the concerns & questions will start coming now. She isn't sure who it is that will be taking her but just that "someone" will take her.
Erin knows that we filled out TONS of paperwork to bring her home & make her our daughter. It just isn't enough for her to know that piece of the puzzle. We explained that when we were in China, before we even got to sign the adoption papers, we had to promise China that we would love her forever, educate her & NEVER give her away or let anyone take her from us. Then we explained that we went before a judge here in the US to do the same thing. And then we made sure that she has the same rights as David & I & a gazillion other Americans by making her a citizen of the USA. We told her that it is our job to protect her & that we would make sure that no one would ever take her away from us or us away from her. It seemed to help a bit but she still had trouble falling asleep.
Then again, so did David & I.
We know that this is a long time coming for our girl who has never slept well & never verbalized her concerns to us. We make it very clear that we are open to any & all questions about anything & everything. I guess now we have to be prepared to have some answers or to find these answers..
I may never sleep again knowing what Erin is feeling.


Gretchen said...

Oh my! What a heartbreaking dream.

I had childhood recurring dream of slowly getting smaller and smaller until I disappeared completely. I had a sister die when I was 4 and I'm sure my dream was a response to that life event (she was gone and in my dream, I was eventually gone as well). It's amazing how the mind takes over when you are sleeping. As an adult, every now and then I still have that very same dream.

You may not be able to "fix" the dream, but you can give her every assurance of your absolute love for Erin.

Hang in there, this would rank up there in difficult parenting moments for me.

Sandra said...

At least now that you know what is bothering her, you can help her by giving her tons of reassurance (I know you do that anyway).

Sending you (and Erin) TONS of hugs.

Michelle said...

Oh Tammie - what a heartbreaking moment. Poor little girl has gone through so much and then to have these events overtake her "dreams"...

{{{Hugs}}} to all of you.

Vivian M said...

Wow. I think she has been holding that in for awhile. No matter how many times we have reassured Kerri these last 4 years, the fear is still there.

By the way, Kerri dreams that she is lost in a store and no one will help her find her Momma (me).

Pick up your hearts and make them strong. Your daughter is a very smart and perceptive girl. You both will do a great job helping Erin work through her fears, now that she is finally talking about them and asking questions. I have no doubt about that.

Huge hugs to you all.

Minouche said...

This is a tough one! I am glad that she verbalized it and now you know what is going through her mind. You're a wonderful and caring mama!!! I am sure you will find a way to minimize her fears, and help her get through that! ((((hugs)))))))

Dawn said...

Oh LAWD, my heart just hit the ground too. What a sweetheart and to think she just didn't know all this was going on inside her head and finally her dreams bought it to the forefront. Are you sleeping yet? SHe will feel so much better now that she is starting to work it out and she has the most wonderful parents a girl could have.
Hugs...that was a tough one for mum and dad

tiger said...