Tuesday, February 05, 2008


I'm at my wits end. Frustration has taken a firm grip of me. There is almost nothing left. I am waiting for February 16th with such anticipation. Why? Erin & I go to Spring Hill for our annual visit with our friends for Chinese New Year.

This week is going to be a tough one. This is the week of the bank merger. I volunteered to be on the merger readiness team for our buddy branch. Those women are going to do really well. They're just waiting for it to finally be done so they can actually put into use everything they've been practicing for the last 6 months. I was so nervous last night. All I wanted was for them to feel comfortable. I remember how nervous I was during the merger where I had to learn tons of new stuff. And now I have to learn new things too that just don't make sense to me. I'm a logical person (okay, so I try to be one) & what I need to learn isn't sinking in. I only have till Friday morning to absorb it all. Can it be done? Yes. Not without me losing some hair though.

Then I'm having problems at my 2nd job. I don't even know where to begin on this one. Enough said that I won't be going back. My love for teaching & my love for the children can't overcome the extreme BS that I have to deal with. I truly feel that I'll be losing a part of my soul, but I can't keep going back & feeling like I'm losing "me."

My local FCC group is having our annual Chinese New Year event. We go down to Miami Beach to this wonderful restaurant. The food is yummy, & there's a lion dance. Why aren't we going? Well, this is a crazy week for us. And the lion dancers terrify Erin. I really hate to miss out on it, & the promise of seeing her friends isn't even working. I hate seeing Erin so afraid. Yup. That's more hair coming out.

My upcoming trip to Spring Hill is twofold. I get to spend time with my dear friends Susan & Art while Erin gets to spend time with their daughters who treat her like another sister. Susan & I will relax & sit around drinking our chai lattes or coffees, Art will go to work, the girls will play. That's all after the big Chinese New Year luncheon where I will have to miss yet another lion dance. Erin is so terrified that she actually begged me to leave her here with David. Well, that just isn't happening. She will go with me, & we will miss the dance. AARRGGGHHH!!!!

When is February 16th? I can't wait to get on that plane. Maybe then I can stop pulling out my hair.


Vivian M said...

I am so sorry you are so stressed out. I think everything has a way of working out. The merger will be just fine, wrinkles are expected to happen so stop worrying! As for the 2nd job, it's about time you leave. You need more time for you and your family. Enough already, your soul is safe and the kids are better off for having met you.
As for the dances, maybe you can rent a Chinese lion dance video? That might be an easier way to have Erin enjoy them without being terrified. I know we are in agreement that her well being is way more important.
As much as I would rather you were coming here, I hope you have a wonderful visit with your friends in Spring Hill. I think the time away will do you both some good. Enjoy!!!

fricke92 said...

Life has a tendency to pile on crap all at the same time, doesn't it?!? But, you are an amazing woman who will get through it one day/one minute at a time. Try not to get overwhelmed with the big picture.

Truth be told, those lion dances freak me out a bit and I'm a lot older than Erin! :)

Sandra said...

I am sorry to hear you are stressed out, but nothing is worth losing yourself over, so I think you are doing the right thing by leaving your second job.

Have fun with Art, Susan and the girls!

eggrolls and chopsticks said...

I wish it was the 16 already too!

Yikes about the dragon fear.

Merging sounds awkward.

Life with JJ, Starr and Spice said...

We will miss you at CNY but totallty understand that Erin's needs are paramount. Keep your eye on the prize, the 16th is almost here :)

Lisa said...

Hang in there girlfriend, the week is almost over! Merger will be done and over with before you know it. And you know what? It's to be expected that not everyone is going to know everything! Life will go on, and everyone will be fine. As for Erin and her fear of the lion dances... well, she'll get over it soon enough and someday you two will both get to enjoy tons of them together, when she's not afraid of them! AND, Spring Hill is just around the corner, as is the rest of your vacation that you so well need, deserve and will enjoy! You KNOW my feeling on that 2nd job, so I"ll just keep my mouth shut here. NO job (or anything else for that matter) is worth losing *YOU* over. And I speak here from experience. Hugs!