My Blood is Boiling

Tonight was the night of nights. I can't believe how angry I am!

David & I took Erin out for dinner to Red Lobster. It's one of our favorite places. Erin loves their bisuits, & we were really in the mood for seafood. We let Erin sit on the outside of the booth on David's side as a treat. Big mistake.

As an elderly couple was leaving the restaurant they passed us, & the lady said "oh how sweet" which was nice. The old man had the nerve to reach out & touch my child's face as he said "how sweet also." How dare he touch my daughter!! Who the heck does he think he is!? Erin wasn't any happier about it. That said we put her on the inside seat & thought that would be the end of it. HA!!

We were walking to our car when an old man looked at us & asked us "Is she for sale?" WHAT THE F***!?!? I was so angry that I turned around called him an idiot. It was the nicest thing I could say. David was fuming. Erin got so upset that I wanted to turn & go after that man. Erin got very defensive & said "I NOT for sale! You my mommy & dada." Thank G-d that she is so secure in our love for her.

What the heck is wrong with people!? Have they lost their minds!? I am so darn angry that people take such liberties.

Harry Potter Personality Quiz - Who are you?

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.


I love Harry Potter. I know it was supposed to be a children's series, but it has captured the hearts & minds of adults also. I almost wish that the series hadn't ended, but all good things must come to an end. Of course that's what "they" say. I don't necessarily agree.

So. Who are you?

We Are The Champions!!!!

Ah yes! Victory is so sweet! Last night, The Gators SMASHED The Seminoles! Final score?

UF 45 vs FSU 12

Monday is going to be wonderful! One of the guys I work with is a Seminole. Each year we have this ongoing thing with who has the better team. Uh, Jim? Last year UF had a double championship year. This year we beat the socks off of you. Why bother coming back?

Of course, some of my fellow FCCers down here are also celebrating while others are hanging their heads in shame.

So Much to be Thankful For

Yes. There truly is so much for me to be thankful for. While I count my blessings every day, this is the day that it really hits me.

• My beautiful daughter. Each & every night as I kiss her before I go to bed myself, I thank G-d for His wisdom in bringing this child into my life. I tell Erin that she is my light, my soul, my very life.
• My handsome, understanding, witty, sarcastic, non-social husband. I've loved him since I was 19 years old. There are days that I'd like to send him off so that I can be alone, & he gets it. Then there are the days that I can't breath for lack of not having enough time with him. I love this guy with all I've got.
• My ScrapSkank Sisters. Where would I be without you gals!? How many nights have we sat up late scrapping, bitching, complaining about life's lows & laughing over life's highs? With you, I found the creative outlet that my husband has always said was in me. With you, I found women who love me & accept me just the way I am.
• My FCC family. Who understands better than you all the trials, the pain of waiting, the joy of receiving our children, the worries that come along with adoption? Where else can I find people in the same situation - who have children that one day may say "but I don't look like you" or "why couldn't I stay with my birthparents"? Where else can I get such great shopping tips!?
• My father. It's been a long journey Daddy, but I think you finally get me.
• My stepmother Nancy. Who loves my father & his crazy children. Who is a wonderful bubbe to my daughter. Who understands my love/hate affair with teaching. Who over the years has become a dear friend.
• My In-Laws. They are wonderful people. Yes. They're in-laws & that does come with a raw deal all by itself. But I love them fully. To them, I am their daughter not their daughter-in-law. I love watching them with Erin. Such joy should be in everyone's lives.
• Sandra. Your strength gives me strength. You are the definition of a Waiting Heart. You waited to bring home your beautiful girls & be the best mother you possibly could. I've learned from you that it's okay to have down days right along with the good days. I've also learned that I'm not alone in my Starbucks obsession. :-)
• BlogLand. Yes. I'm actually thankful for BlogLand. Where else can I journal my thoughts & meet people who don't judge me for not believing the way they do?

Happy Turkey Day to all!!

Enjoy this special time with your family & friends!!

Sad

Tonight as we head into yet another holiday season I'm feeling sad - not depressed - just sad. I know that I should be so happy & yet I'm not. All day long I've needed to cry, from the moment I got out of bed. I'm a big believer in tears being a necessary evil. As I explain to Erin, there are sad tear, angry tears, & happy tears, & they all serve a purpose. Erin can't bear seeing me cry. It totally freaks her out so I need to hide them from her. David gets upset when I cry so I need to hide them from him. When do I get a chance to let it all out?

The holidays are always a hard time for me. My mom has been gone since 1985, & a day doesn't go by that I don't miss her. My dad has told me that she would be proud of me - as a mother, as a career woman & as a wife & daughter. I hope so. It's not like he'd feed me a line of BS but I do wonder what she'd think of me. Would she realize that I've learned the lessons she taught me? Would she know how much I always loved her? And I wonder too if she knows how I hate that she left me. How I hate that I had to name my daughter for her instead of one of my grandparents. How I hate that she's not around so we could sit down & read our trashy novels & share a few pots of coffee. How I hate that she's not around to see her granddaughter. She would have been an amazing grandmother since she absolutely loved kids. She would have adored Erin.

Yes. I try to remember that my mom had no choice in leaving us. It was her time. G-d had made his decision. But darn! Knowing that doesn't help in the here & now when I'm missing her.

Family & friends who knew my mom say that I'm just like her. I hope so.

Parties, Cake & My Sweaty Girl

Erin's friend Rachel had her 2nd birthday party recently & we went to help celebrate her special day. I love how Erin totally gets into what's happening. After only a few minutes, Erin can work herself into an amazing sweat. However, that doesn't get in the way of bouncing & cake.

Erin loves a good bounce party

Guzzling some water



Ready for cake

Yummy!

I love this one

Sleep??

And my sleep issues continue. Ugh! I crawled into bed last night around 10:00 pm. That sounds like a decent hour doesn't it? Erin woke up for a few minutes but finally fell back asleep all tucked into me. I love that.

Around 2:30 I woke up & told David to move over. He told me that we weren't alone. HUH!? What happened to "I need my sleep, & Erin moves around too much." from him??? So he finally picked her up & put her in her own bed. By 5:00 I was awake & ready to start my day. Yes. I've been on the computer since 5:00 am. Back in the days before we got our referral, I went to bed around 1:00 am & was up by 4:00 am. This happened from December 2001 on. The thing that people found amazing was that I can actually function on 3 hours of sleep a night.

Why can I do this? 'Cause I always have. Back in college I went for days with no sleep at all. Then all of a sudden I would crash & sleep for 24 hours straight. It drove my parents bonkers. My dad would get POd & my mom would tell me to go to sleep like a normal person just so he'd stop bugging her. Of course my mom was no better than I was. We'd wake up in the middle of the night, go into the kitchen, put up a put of coffee, smoke some cigarettes, read a book or 2 & chat.

Maybe I don't give this up willingly because it's a tie to my mom who I miss every day. Maybe I do this because I have fibromyalgia & always did? Who knows? All I know is that I'm tired of the bags under my eyes. I used to be able to hide them with concealer. Now I can't wear make up so I tend to look like a racoon.

Bedtime Sucks!

I try not to complain. I know people who have it so much harder than I do, & I'm unbelievably thankful for all that I have.

Nights with Erin have always been hard. We've found a way to make bedtime easier for everyone, but it's still hard. While she has no problem with the routine - & even tells us when we miss a step - it's the actual bed thing that's a problem. for the first 2 months that we were home, David & I spent each night crying ourselves because Erin had such a heart-wrenching cry. It sounded as if someone was torturing her. With the help of some good friends & our amazing travel group family, we found a method that allowed us a measure of peace. Now that Erin is 5, the situation is not like it was but is still bad. We must go in to her room 4 or 5 times before she settles down. Now I know that children don't want to go to bed - mostly because they're afraid of missing out on something. However, Erin's real problem is that she hates to be alone at night. It's the only time that she is ever alone - unless, of course, you count her time in the potty. Each night she wants to know when I'm coming in to bed, can I stay with her, why can't she just lay on the couch out in the family room with me. Erin will even tell you that she just doesn't want to be alone.

Most of the time I can handle this situation. This past week though, I've come to the realization that I hate her bedtime. I hate to see Erin miserable, & this is the absolute worst time of the day in our family. Once she does settle down, I feel guilty that I'm relieved. In our house 7:00 - 9:00 is the pits. Even David has to get strict with her & tell her to calm down. I know how much he hates it, but it's the only way to convince her to go to sleep.

We left the house early this morning so that we could finish our holiday shopping (not quite done there but just about) & enjoy the rest of the day as a family. Erin was all smiles, didn't ask for anything anywhere we went, was polite, etc. It was almost like having a Stepford Child with us. We didn't get to go to the Ft Lauderdale Home Show (something we do at least once a year) because David got called into work twice. Erin was a trooper the whole time.

By the time we got to WalMart she was done. And rightfully so mind you. Once we got home, she ate a yogurt & even ate an entire slice of pizza for dinner. She was so tired from having no nap today that her meltdown almost made me melt down. Normally I can get her to calm down by holding her in my lap, rubbing her back & speaking to her softly. Tonight that only made it worse. So far I've only had to go into the bedroom once & David has gone in once. Maybe she'll finally pass out & sleep the rest of the night. I'm hoping that she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night which is what she tends to do when she's had this kind of meltdown.

I hate bedtime. It sucks!

But I love my girl.

Happy Halloween!!!

Getting ready to go Trick or Treating

"The Loot"

One Tired Power Ranger

This year was Erin's first time going out to Trick or Treat. Last year, Erin was sick but didn't want to go out. The previous years, Erin was too scared of all the costumes to even consider it. This year she went out to see what all the fuss has been about. Each time she got to a door, David had to pick her up & hold her, but she did it. When they came home, Erin was so excited about her experience. I asked her how many houses she went to, & she told me "a hundred momma." After going through her goodies & letting her have 2 small treats, she got to answer the door to the children who came knocking. Bedtime came, & she fell fast asleep. Happy Halloween!! Hope everyone had a blast tonight!!

Halloween Party

Arts & Crafts Fun

Decorating Cupcakes

Erin & Jonathan
a/k/a
The Pink & Blue Power Rangers

This past Saturday night, my friends Debbie & Ed braved 40+ kids under the age of 12 to have a Halloween party. Absolutely nuts is how I describe it. I've promised to have them commited if they even consider it again next year. The weather didn't allow the party to be outdoors the whole time. Then again, it is Florida so what did they expect? Imagine having 40+ children & a number of adults parading through your house all dressed up wanting to do activities that all need to be done outside.

Erin had a total blast at the party. She got to be with her buddy Jonathan, decorate cupcakes, do an arts & crafts project & have a chance to break open a pinata for more candy than she will need in a lifetime.

Not only was Erin a happy child, but she was an exhausted child. Bedtime was easy that night.

What Do You Say?

What do you say to the people who are waiting? & waiting & waiting.

Can you say that the end result is worth it? Can you say that your child is just not ready to show him/herself to you yet? Can you say that once your child is in your arms the wait time goes away?

Yes. You can say all that & certainly more. However, the person who is waiting doesn't want to hear any of this. At the moment in time when you're hoping & praying for a referral, you don't want to hear the usual platitudes. You just want to know who your child is & when you can travel to them so you can hold him/her in your arms. You want to put a stop to the questions people are asking. The questions that you have no answer to.

How do I know this?

Easy. (Ha!) David & I started our journey October 15, 2000. Being the person that I am, I knew that I needed no help - from anyone (even our agency SW). Duh! Big mistake. I did all of our paperwork perfectly. Just backwards. And because I did it all backwards, I ended up having to do much of it over again because it expired. Our official DTC (Dossier to China) date was February 28, 2002. Do you see a problem with the dates here? Oh yes. My pride got in the way.
I was lucky enough to have that referral date though. Why? Because I managed to make the most amazing friends. The February Waiting Hearts group had the longest DTC to referral date at that time - 13/14 months depending upon whether you got your referral on March 31st or April 1st. My dear friend Sandra got her referral for Jazzie on march 31st. I opened my email to see Jazzie's face & hear "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed. (Now when I hear that song, I cry in remembrance of that special day.) I also met my dear friend Susan who lives in FL also. Without these 2 special women I wouldn't have made it.

My call came on April 1st a/k/a April Fool's Day. I had been so upset crying for days that we weren't getting our referral. I thought for sure that our agency was waiting to tell us that we had been declined although my brain knew that this wasn't possible. When the call finally came at 2:45 pm I was at work. When Emily told me it was my turn, I screamed at her that her joke was not funny & hung up. Yes. I hung up on my agency. Thank G-d she called back seconds later. As I sat in the bank crying, all of my co-workers & clients came over & sat to wait while I received the information about Chun HuaXu soon to be known as Erin Chelsie. And then I proceeded to call David with the news.

What do you say?

You say that the wait is horrible. You say that the tears are worth it. You say that you will be there for the waiting families to cry with them as they continue to wait.

And you say that you will cry tears of absolute joy when their turn comes.

Monday, October 29th, my dear friends Lori & Marc will celebrate as their son Ethan joins their family in China. Here in the United States, I will wait to see their email & then cry. Tears of joy.

And I will cry when I hear of more families being united with their children. Because that is what we do.

Halloween Fun With Our FCC Family!

Thinking about all the fun she's having!

Trick or Treat!

Shari & Myke of Extreme Halloween
Erin got her Pink Power Ranger costume at their amazing store.
Thanks for putting a smile on my girl's face guys!

This past Sunday was the FCC-SFL Halloween luncheon. The children had so much fun dressing up & going around trick or treating. We had a Pink Power Ranger, a bride, a few kittens & ladybugs, Snow White, Mulan, Raggedy Ann, Dora, a storm trooper among many other costumes. I don't know who had more fun - the children, their parents or their grandparents.

Photo Shoot? Model for a Day?

My friend Kim came up with the idea of having pictures taken of her gorgeous children by local childrens' photographer Karen Alcalde.

Kim opened her home today to her FCC family for the photo shoot. Of course, Erin was the first one set to have her photos taken. BIG MISTAKE!!!! When I scheduled her session, I set it for the first thing forgetting that Erin needs time to warm up to people when she doesn't know them. Needless to say, I threw the whole schedule off, but Kim was totally okay with that. karen is amazing! She is so open to the children & seemed to pull from them what she wanted. The parents were asked to stay inside while Karen worked her special magic with the children. It seems that Erin did really well when her turn came. Erin picked out the outfits (with parental guidance of course) she wanted to have her photos taken in this morning.

I brought along about 6 outfits for Karen to look at. I was so thrilled that Erin wanted to wear the outfit my friend Susan brought home from China. Before today, Erin had no interest in her Chinese clothing other than to scream that she didn't want to wear any of it. Of course, it's a pant set in blue silk with red & gold trim. I wasn't even sure the outfit would fit, but it was perfect. Then she wore her black leggings with a red shirt that has black polka dots on it & of course her matching black boots. My oh my! Erin certainly didn't look like she was a 5 year old! The third outfit Erin wore was her Madi Adi outfit that my friend Michelle made for her birthday.

While Karen was snapping away, I got to sit inside & chat with Kim & Lori about "stuff." It was just a lovely morning! Now I can't wait to see the photos of my girl!

Man in My Life Night

This past Monday Erin's school hosted their annual "Man in My Life" night. David was feeling horrible after a hard day at work & his hand was bothering him so I went in his place. Erin & I joked around that I was going to be both mommy & daddy for the evening. I was glad to find that I wasn't the only mother attending the evening's event.

The children got to make "junk sculptures" using recyclable items. You'd be amazed what can be done with plastic cupcake containers! The children sure have vivid imaginations. After completing their sculptures, their teacher Miss Cindy read a story to them. We ended the evening with cookies & a drink.

When we got home, Erin was so excited to tell her daddy what she made. Then she conked out.

Great Harry

Last night as Erin & I went to bed, she asked what we would be doing tomorrow. I told her that we would be doing tons of fun stuff but first we need to go to Great Grandpa Harry's apartment to take home the things we want to keep as memories.

Lately when I talk about my grandfather, she refers to him as "Great Harry." Erin decided that she wanted another explanation of who Great Harry was. I reminded her that Zaydie is my daddy. Then I explained that Great Harry was Zaydie's daddy so he's my Zaydie. Then she said "So Great Harry is Great Zaydie?" Wow! Leave it to my girl to think of it in those terms!

Since we've been talking a lot about my grandfather lately, he's been a topic of interest for Erin. I asked Erin what she wants to call him since Great Grandpa Harry is a mouthful. She's decided to keep referring to him as "Great Harry."

The fact is that my grandfather was not the grandfather that we all want to have. His life was hard, & he was a hard parent & grandfather to have.

When I told him that we were adopting a child from China, his only question - amazingly enough - was would she be Jewish. Had he not been so ill at the time, he never would have asked that question since I'm the most observant of his grandchildren - not that I'm so religious, but it matters to me. David & I really expected a battle from him.

When Erin came from China, he didn't get to see too much of her. I was concerned that he'd say something nasty, & I knew that I wouldn't hold back. The few times that he did see her, he would have to be reminded that she was his great granddaughter because he had a hard time recognizing people he didn't know well. Not once did my grandfather say anything wrong to her or even me which was a shock.

My grandfather died Christmas Eve 2004 with my dad by his side. The following morning I flew to NY for his funeral. It has been the only week in Erin's life that we've been seperated since her adoption.

Even though Erin didn't know Great Harry, he's still a presence in our life.

Birthday Wishes

Today is my friend Sandra's special day. I hope you have a wonderful birthday dear friend!

Conversations With a 5 Year Old

My friend Viv is a great blogger. She's always writing about her conversations with her daughter Kerri. It's always interesting to me that Kerri & Erin seem to have the same things on their minds at the same time. Even though they're 2 years apart in age!

In the last few months, I've been starting the conversation that her Bubbe Nancy is not my mother. She has a real hard time with that since she knows that a bubbe is a grandma which means the parent of a parent. I've started telling her some things about her Grandma Enid who was my mother. I've been discussing the fact that she is named for her Grandma Enid.

Not long ago, Erin asked me where her Grandma Enid was. I had to explain that my mother had died a long time before Erin was born. This is a topic that has been getting a lot of attention lately. My dad & stepmother had to put their dog Henry down this year. Since Erin always asks to hear Henry bark over the phone, I had to tell her that Henry had gone to sleep. It was a fairly easy conversation since our fish Dory had died also. (BTW, I don't think she really understood that until the Henry talk.) We've also had to go to my grandfather's condo to meet my brother & his wife while they were taking care of things. Erin wanted to know where we were going & why. I told her we were going to Great-Grandpa Harry's old house. Uh, where is he momma? I explained that Great-Grandpa Harry had died when she was just a little baby.

Next I had to explain that Grandma Enid, Great-Grandpa Harry, Dory the Fish & Henry the Dog were all in heaven with G-d. Uh oh! Next conversation!

Thunder & lightening are recent problems for Erin. She has started to be upset by the noise & light flashes. I have done my best to explain that when it thunders, G-d is bowling, & when it's lightening, G-d has gotten a strike. This week, G-d is spending a lot of time at the bowling alley!

Now Erin wants to know if Grandma Enid & Great-Grandpa Harry are bowling too! And do they play with Dory the Fish & Henry the Dog.

Erin's First Pedicure

Choosing her color

Look momma! Suki is filing my toes. Just like you!

That's my girl - choosing purple with sparkles!

Such pretty toes!

Drying her tootsies

Keeping Promises

In our 20's & 30's David always promised me that our 400's were going to be all about fixing him up. I always joked & told him he was nuts that I loved him just the way he was. Of course that was true & remains so to this day. However, he has been busy keeping his promise to me.

Today David had the 1st of 2 or 3 more surgeries. This begins our journey to fixing his hands. As a computer geek, he's got that dreaded problem - carpal tunnel syndrome. The doctor he's using is someone I've known for about 3 or 4 years now. I trust this doctor implicitly with the only man I've ever loved.

Each time David has surgery, I spend the night before awake. I get about 2 or 3 hours of sleep then I wake up & just spend the night staring at him & praying that things will be alright. We had explained to Erin that David was having surgery to fix his hand & that she needed to come to the hospital with us very early. I would then take her to school at the correct time. Erin was amazing with David. She has such an empathetic soul. Before I took her off to school, she gave David hugs & kisses & then kissed his hand to "help his booboo heal faster."

The surgery went well. The doctor said that David should be just fine in a few weeks but will be uncomfortable for a few days. He wasn't joking. David is definitely uncomfortable but managing to be quite the trooper.

Thanks for keeping your promises honey. However, next time just promise me a night out on the town. Those are much easier.

Momma guess what. . .

Each morning Erin & I have a conversation on the way to school. Sometimes she just wants to point things out. Other times, it's things she's noticed & has questions about. Today's conversation was a hoot!

Erin: "Momma guess what I saw last week on the Cartoon Network?" (BTW, last week usually means yesterday.)

Me: "What did you see Punkie?"

Erin: "I saw a ram with a shofar on it's head!"

For those of you who aren't Jewish, we are now celebrating The High Holy Days & Rosh Hashanah has just passed. A shofar is actually the horn of a ram & is used during the holy days as a part of our services. I lead junior congregation for the Kindergarten at the school where I teach & Erin is now a student. Last week during services, we discussed what a shofar is & what it means to the Jewish people. I guess something made Erin sit up & take notice.

I'm Honored

"This award is for bloggers who are nice people, good blog friends, and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also, for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world”.

What a nice suprise! My blog friend Magi over at Kaffee Klatsch nominated me for this award. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I found Magi while she was waiting for Sera & have admired her style from the first time I visited her. Now I get to nominate 7 people who I believe deserve this special honor.

1. My dear friend Vivian can be found at Life With Kerri. Viv & I met during her journey while I was home sick. In the past years, we have found many red threads that bind us together.

2. Ah, yes, Lisa from A Place and Time For Us. Lisa is an amazing woman. She is a stay at home mom who works so hard but always manages to have time for her family & friends. I'm so glad we found each other.

3. Lori over at Three and a High Chair amazes me. This dear friend of mine is getting ready to travel & bring home her sweet boy. She & her family have been very patient throughout this wait.

4. Kim from We 5 Chois is new to blogging. I'm hoping Kim reads this & sees that she's been tagged. Kim always has a kind word to say to someone - even after finding out that there's no beetroot at the salad bar!

5. Shari at Find Chianna loves being tagged. She's waiting to bring her very own sweetie home. I'm so happy that I ran into her hubby at Target while doing what I do best - shopping.

6. One of the sweetest people I have ever not met is my friend Sandra from The Daily Grind - Life with Jazzie and Tahlia. We have never met in person yet I cannot imagine my life without Sandra. She is my fellow Waiting Heart & our threads seem to be quite tangled. February 28, 2002 is a day marked in my memory for many things dear friend.

7. Michelle from I Run Like a Girl found me through Sandra's blog. I have yet to get her my challah recipe which I promise to do. I have also never met Michelle but found her blog compelling. This is a woman with a heck of a heart.

A Busy Week

This has been a very busy week for our family. Erin has been coming home from school each day with homework. Thankfully, Erin really loves going to school & has been super excited about doing her homework. I sure hope this attitude continues for a while!

David & I chose to keep Erin at Temple Beth Am for Kindergarten. She needs a more intimate situation where she can be comfortable. Her teacher - the fabulous Miss Cindy - is someone I have known for the last 20 years. Hebrew school teachers have to take continuing education classes so we've met each other frequently. We also wanted Erin to continue with a good basis for her religious education.

I will admit that something must be working. The other day Erin came home to tell us all about "the blowy thing" we have to use for Rosh Hashanah. Of course she meant a shofar - the ram's horn that is used in the High Holy Day services. Later in the week, after dinner, I got up to clear the table while Erin sat there chatting with me. It was really cool for me to hear Erin singing to herself. What was she singing? "Hatikvah" - the national anthem of Israel. A mother couldn't have been more proud than I was at that moment.

Today Erin started her first day of Kindergarten in Hebrew school. I have been teaching at B'nai Aviv for 17 years & waited a long time for this day. As Melinda called the teacher's & students names, I waited to hear Erin's name called. I already knew that she would be in my friend Karen's class but still I was excited. When Erin went over to Karen, she started to cry as she realized that she wasn't going to be with me. Needless to say, I had to work hard not to cry myself. Many people in the sanctuary have known me a long time so they know I cry easily. As with each new start, Erin was nervous. At the end of the day, I asked both Karen & Erin how she did. It seems that Erin was a real trooper & worked well with the other students. She even brought home her first project from Hebrew school - a challah cover for the upcoming Rosh Hashanah holiday!

Happy Anniversary

19 years ago I married the man of my dreams. David & I met in 1982 while we were in college at the University of Florida (GO GATORS!!). We didn't date for long but I definitely fell in love pretty quickly. After my mom passed away in 1985 David paid a visit, & we spent the next year talking to each other. When we did finally agree to meet up in 1986, we got back together & have been inseparable since then.

I admit it. There have been some rough patches over the years. It's really funny how marriage makes you notice things. It was typical, but after getting married I thought my head would explode from the frustration over finding out that David squeezes his toothpaste wherever his hand hits while I squeeze it from the bottom. Thankfully, we dealt with that one easily enough. We each have our own toothpaste. Yup. It was hard. ;-)

Of course there were harder issues over the years. On the other hand, there has been a deep & abiding love & respect for each other. We have a good, solid friendship based upon that love & respect & a few similar interests. We both love to read, listen to music & watch tv - just not the same stuff.

Yes, we argue. BUT we love each other enough to make those times minor. Marriage is work - hard work.

And I'd do it all over again!

I love you David. 459! AWBB! No matter what! Always & forever!

Birthday Visit

Last night we had our annual birthday visit with our friends Susan & Art & their girls. Erin & Julianna are from the same SWI, are 5 days apart & were adopted at the same time. Since that time, Susan & Art have adopted another daughter, Bella, who is about a month older than Erin. Each year, we celebrate the 3 girls' birthdays together. Our virtual triplets are amazing girls that we all love. Although Erin loves Julianna & Bella tons, she spends the week before the visit talking about how she's going to see Hannah & Livia.

I really enjoyed sitting together with our families enjoying a nice meal while our girls chatted & played. After dinner, we went over to a Starbucks (big surprise there), enjoyed our beverages of choice, chatted some more & watched the girls play. I can't believe how much energy they have!

Each year I take a picture of our girls so I can see how they've grown. This year they did something interesting. Usually, without even realizing it, the girls line up by age - oldest to youngest. This time they just lined up whereever. I didn't even notice it until I was looking at the pictures this morning.

Name Game MeMe

My friend Sandra tagged me! This looks like fun until you realize how hard it is to describe yourself!

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged, you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged & to read your blog!

R - reading. I'm a total book-aholic. Actually, I've been known to read the back of cereal boxes just to have something to read. Some of my favorite authors are Norah Roberts, Iris Johannsen, Sandra Brown, Lisa Gardner, Catherine Coulter & Lisa Jackson. I also love the Harry Potter series. BTW, I absolutely do not read newspapers. When I read, I'm looking for escape - not reality. For reality there's the news.

O - observant. I seem to pick up on things about people that are important. This trait helps me at work with my clients but also allows me to be a good friend. (At least I hope so.)

B - bleeding heart. I'm a sucker for a sob story, a crying child, an animal in need or sick, a person in need. I cry at commercials or reading cards. I haven't eaten veal in 20 years. Get the picture?

I - in love. With my husband of 19 years next Tuesday. I'd do it all over again - mistakes & all!

N - nuggets. "Nuggets" is what I say when I really want to say "S&^T!" I'm trying to have a cleaner mouth - especially around Erin the child who repeats it all. Nuggets is also the one thing I know that Erin will eat willingly.

Ah! Finally I'm done. Now on to torture the rest of you! Here are my victims:

Shari - I know how you love these tags/memes.

Vivian - I know you have nothing better to do. (That is other than chasing Kerri & Pookie around.)

Lisa - Take your time. I know that typing is still hard with your arm in bandages!

Michelle - This will give you a whole new type of headache. Sorry!

Lori - Something to do while you wait to bring Ethan home.

I hope you all have fun with this!!

The First Day of Kindergarten

Today was that oh so special day that children everywhere look forward to - some eagerly, some not so eagerly. It was the first day of Kindergarten. And Erin was no different.

We started off with a breakfast of pancakes & chocolate milk. I'm always thrilled to pieces when I can get Erin to eat but this is always a winner. My girl chowed down her pancakes happily knowing she was going to wear her favorite color today - pink. Really! Is there any other color? Normally getting Erin dressed is a fight from choosing what to wear to actually getting her into whatever outfit she's decided is okay for the day. This morning Erin decided that she liked the outfit & would be happy to get dressed fairly quickly.

I decided to go in to work late this morning so that I could share some special time with Erin. I'm so glad that I did this. Right as we got out of my car at her school, Erin decided to drag her feet. I guess it finally dawned on her that this was a different thing from camp. She gladly let me snap pics before we got inside.

Once we walked in to her class, Erin saw her friends from camp & last year's Pre-K classes. as we went to her cubby, she got nervous & asked me to stay for a while. Yay! for me. I stayed & chatted with one of the other mothers that I've gotten to know over the past few months. Erin chatted with her friends - especially Sam. They seem to really have fun together so it made the morning easier. I took a bunch of pics & then Erin decided she needed to snap some herself for her scrapbook. By the time I left, she was comfortable.

Tonight we celebrated her special day by having brownies for dessert. (Normally desserts are only allowed on Saturdays.) Then she finished off her day by playing with her Magnetix with her daddy. When she started to clean up (without being told), we knew the day had tired her out.

How addicted are you?

67%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

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How about you? Just how addicted are you!?

The Pitty Kitty & a New Pet?

Well, David & I learned an important lesson today. Don't get a new pet if you're not sure how your old pet will react. No! We didn't make that mistake but almost did.

Our cat Kira is also known as "The Pitty Kitty." David bought her for me days after our dog Sari had to be put down 9 years ago. We had already made plans to buy a new dog but waiting for Star to be born was killing me. I hated not having an animal in the house. We were walking in to PetSmart just to look around for the new dog toys we'd need. Outside were the cats up for adoption. David wanted this really cool looking cat named "Arrow." Too bad Arrow just hated David. He actually spit at David. We ended up with this tiny cat who looked as if someone had poured a glass of iced tea on her.

Fast forward to this afternoon & once again we were walking into yet another PetSmart. This time we were looking for a specific cat food for Kira. This darn cat is allergic to chicken, turkey & can only eat lamb-based foods. After that horrible pet food scare a few months ago, we decided to put Kira on Purina cat chow. She had so many problems that today we went to buy her the old stuff.

David walked over to the cat adoption area to take a peek. We found a really sweet kitten & a 1 year old cat who both would have fit in great for us. David, Erin & I fell in love with them. Thankfully, I know my animals & said that we needed to see how the existing pets would do. The adoption lady took a towel & rubbed the kitten all over with it. The 1 year old cat rubbed herself all over me. We went home & David put Kira near the towel. She looked at him, stuck her tongue out & walked away. She wouldn't come near me till I changed shirts.

Guess what? We didn't get either cat. It looks like we're going to have to wait quite some time before we can bring home another pet. Erin wasn't too happy but still loves Kira "The Pitty Kitty."

What! Me? A Spammer?

Apparently Blogger is having problems deciding who is & who isn't a spammer. I went to post about Erin's birthday & found that I was blocked. What the heck!? It seems that if you link to too many places, you must be doing something wrong. I guess I can't be friendly with other bloggers or lead anyone off to a website that may be of interest. I wish I knew how to transfer my stuff over to Typepad because I'd leave fairly quickly for all this BS!!

My Girl Turns 5!!!

This past Sunday we celebrated Erin's 5th birthday with our family & friends at a local park. We had a bounce house, sno cones & cotton candy along with pizza & cake (& other munchies of course). As always I worried & stressed about almost every detail. (What can I say? I'm a born worrier.) All I wanted was for my little girl to have a blast on her special day.

As my friend Lisa took a family snapshot, all I could think of was how special a gift our big girl is. I'm so proud of Erin & how far she has come from that 10 month old baby that couldn't sit up or hold a bottle. And now Erin will join in on any fun she can find.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl! Momma & Daddy love you "always & forever a whole big bunch no matter what!"

Favorite TV Shows

Recently we had some new members join our FCC family. Shari & Myke are really quite nice, & I've gotten to know Shari especially from her great blog & conversations at the FCC dinners. It turns out that she & I have very similar taste in television shows along with other areas of interest. I have found that we enjoy many of the same shows.

That said, I wanted to list a few of my favorite shows. Maybe you'll find something here you like also!

One Life to Live

General Hospital

The Dresden Files

Stargate SG1

Bones

Law and Order

30 Minute Meals

The Barefoot Contessa
Good Eats

Paula's Home Cooking

Semi Home Made

Dirty Jobs

MythBusters

Now for those of you who know the reality of parenthood, you can't forget the children! Here are some of Erin's favorites.

Hannah Montana

Kim Possible

Pucca

The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Yes, Erin will be 5 this coming Monday, but she has her own taste. Along with what I've listed, she loves to watch many of the same shows that David & I are into. Obviously, we're not going to let her watch something like The Dresden Files, but what's wrong with Dirty Jobs? I know there are people out there in BlogLand who dislike tv for young children. That's your choice. David & I choose to allow Erin to watch a wide variety of shows. They can be relaxing and often just plain ole foolish; however, many are educational just in the end lesson of the show.

Ramblings

Wow! When David showed me this picture I nearly flipped. It's been a very long time since I liked a picture that anyone took of me. Let's face it. My nose is always red & my hair has gotten white. On the other hand, I'm a lot older than I was in the last picture I liked which by the way was taken at my wedding. Oh. That was 19 years ago next month.

I never knew that I could become comfortable in my own skin, but I have. I've accepted myself (for the most part) for who I am. I'll never be the woman with the amazing figure & the pearly white smile. However, I've realized that I'm a long way from the kid who moved to Florida at 16 & hated it.

Who am I now? Let's see.

I am a person with a career that I really enjoy even with the trouble that's involved. During the week I get to speak with adults & help people get where they want to or need to be. On Sundays, I teach 1st grade. That's for my soul since I've wanted to be a teacher since I was 5 years old. I love that I can get children to enjoy learning about being Jewish & having fun at the same time.

I am a person who loves an incredible man & is loved back by the same man. It's been a long, hard haul & worth every minute. I have to say with everything we've been through, I'd do all over again. Gladly.

I am a person who has been lucky enough to become a parent. I am totally in love with my daughter. I've always wanted 6 children but am happily settling for the 1 that David was willing to deal with. It's a good thing too because Erin challenges me every day. I look in on her each night before going to sleep & thank G-d for smiling down on us.

I am a person with a wide range of friends. The adoption community has brought me to people I would never have had the occasion to meet before. Parenthood led me to other mothers who've been there done that & understand everything I'm feeling - love, frustration, sadness, anger - the whole range of emotions.

I guess I'm pretty happy with who I've become. Yup.

Who do you blog for?

I blog for myself.

I know that people out there that stop by & take a peek to see what's going on in Erin's life & by default my life too. It's a great way for my parents to keep up with Erin. I have friends who want to know what's up also. However, as nice as that all is, I do it for ME! Some days are great so I want to write it down. Some days are horrible so I need to write it down & get the frustration out of my system.

I'm basically a "call it as I see it" kind of person. That isn't always the best way to be, but I don't know any other way to be. That said, I certainly don't want to offend anyone, but, again, I blog for me!

So. Who do you blog for? Do you really want to watch what you say or would you prefer having the freedom to say what you want, when want to?

Erin Loves This Book!!

This book has quickly become Erin's favorite! I've been reading it to her each night for 3 weeks now. She really enjoys hearing the story about Ming & the lesson he learns about giving thanks. Right after I read her the story, Erin "reads" it out loud to me. I love how she asks me - each & every time - what kind of tree is it, what's the boy's name. She may not remember the small things, but she truly gets the bigger picture.

Happy 4th of July to you!

How did you celebrate the 4th? We took an early morning excursion to Erin's favorite place - Butterfly World. This time we each had our own cameras with us for pics. We woke up early (as usual) & looked to see what the weather was going to be like. After all, in sunny S FL this is our rainy season, & we've been having quite a bit of rain each day. We really lucked out because there wasn't a drop of rain in the sky in the early part of the day. On the other hand, it was steaming hot down here. Nevertheless, we enjoyed ourselves!

Erin loves to see butterflies so off we went! This time I can honestly say I saw some butterflies that were just gorgeous. The colors were amazing - bright lime green, beautiful sky blue, pearly white, monarchs! David got some amazing shots with his new toy. I never knew he was such a good photographer before which is saying a lot since this summer we'll be celebrating 19 years of marriage! Of course he'll tell you that it's because he always wants me to have a camera I can use easily. What a man!

After spending the morning walking around Butterfly World, we did a bit of shopping so Erin could have a blue shirt for camp the next day. Who knew my daughter didn't have a blue shirt!? Well, she does now along with a ton of other shirts. Her closet is overflowing & yet not a blue shirt in sight till that little expedition.

Once the shopping was done, we headed home for lunch & a nap. When I woke up, it was thundering so hard that my bed was moving! Honestly!

David made dinner - our usual July 4th BBQ of dogs & beans. Yum! We really do love the simple foods. Besides, we knew Erin would eat a hot dog. It's the only red meat she puts in her body. After dinner, we went into our backyard to set off fireworks. This was the first year that Erin wanted to have anything to do with them. Thanks to my friend Lisa's son Joey, Erin has gotten to appreciate them. Of course that doesn't mean that Erin didn't have a hard time but at least she watched them for a while. When we were done with ours, we went up front to enjoy our neighbors' show.

All in all, it was a great day!

5 Things! I've Been Tagged!

Well, I've been tagged by my good friend Sandra. I am making this first attempt so bear with me!

5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:

1. Have you read the description of my blog? I don't remember life before Erin!

5 Snacks I Enjoy:

1. 1. Fresh Fruit
2. 2. Ice Cream
3. 3. Doritos
4. 4. Cheese
5. 5. Cake

5 Songs I Know All the Lyrics To:

1. 1. Any Wiggles song
2. 2. Your Song by Elton John (our wedding song)
3. 3. How Do You Like Me Now by Toby Keith
4. 4. We Don't Need No Education by Pink Floyd
5. 5. She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy by Kenny Chesney

5 Things I Would Do If I Were a Millionaire:

1. 1. Pay off all the bills for my entire family
2. 2. Travel
3. 3. Build a home to my specifications
4. 4. Start a charity related to adoption needs
5. 5. Volunteer at Erin's school since I wouldn't be working

5 Bad Habits:

1. 1. Impatience
2. 2. Overeating
3. 3. Lack of exercise
4. 4. Quick temper
5. 5. Taking on other people's problems when there's nothing I can do

5 Things I Like to Do

1. 1. Play with Erin
2. 2. Sit down with a good cup of coffee - whenever
3. 3. Read
4. 4. Watch soap operas (One Life to Live & General Hospital)
5. 5. Blog

5 Things I Would Never Wear Again

1. 1. Bikinis
2. 2. Large-frame glasses
3. 3. Mini Skirts
4. 4. Shoulder pads
5. 5. Short Shorts

5 Favorite Toys

1. 1. My laptop
2. 2. My Canon SD Elph 1000
3. 3. My SonyEricsson Phone
4. 4. My Senseo coffee pot
5. 5. My Mia Bella soy candles

5 Bloggers I Tag:

1. 1. Lori
2. 2. Shari
3. 3. Vivian
4. 4. Magi
5. 5. CJ

How do you know you're in love with your child?

When your heart dances because your child calls out for you & only you?
When you can't wait to have your child wake up & stumble into your bedroom looking for hugs & kisses?
When you can't wait to get home & hear your child scream in joy when you walk through the door?
When only you can bring comfort to your child with hugs & kisses?
When you drop your child off at school or camp & she can't bear to have you leave without just one more hug & a "have a good day mama?"
When your child tells you that you make the best French toast? Even though it's only microwaved French toast.

I could go on & on but there isn't enough time in my life. I'd rather enjoy spending my time with Erin seeing the light in her eyes & hearing the laughter in her voice. I just absolutely love being Erin's mother.

Mama, where is "E" from?

Today Erin had a birthday party to attend in the afternoon. We ran into "E's" parents at the party store when we were looking for things for Erin's party. "E's" parents are just so nice & warm. They always have a smile for the children & something sweet to say.

When we left Party City, Erin asked me "Mama, where is "E" from? HUH!? So I asked Erin what she meant. She repeated her question in exactly the same way. At the same time, David & I both said "Florida." So Erin said "NO! Where is she from before Florida?"

AH HAH!!

I realized what Erin was asking. I said to her "Erin, do you think "E" is adopted because she looks like you?" And, of course, she said yes. (A little background - "E's" mother is Philipinno & is married to a caucasian man.) I then explained to Erin that even though "E" looks like her, she isn't adopted. I reminded Erin that "E's" mommy also looks like her. Then I explained that "E" came from her mommy's tummy & isn't adopted.

Oh! Mama, can I listen to music now please?

Qualifying for the Yellow Belt

Erin started taking karate at school just under 3 months ago. I wasn't sure we should that we should attend the ceremony but in the end David & I decided that it would be okay. Mr. Richard, the instructor, told us that although Erin had only started a few short months ago, he was amazed by how much she really wanted this & how focused she is. Huh!? Who is he talking about? Surely not my daughter! Boy was I wrong. Erin made us so proud today when she qualified for & received her yellow belt.

Erin Graduates Pre-K at Temple Beth Am

Last night my beautiful girl graduated Pre-K! We had to be there with the children by 6:00pm. The program was supposed to start at 6:30 but didn't get going till 6:45. While we were outside wondering where Erin was supposed to be, her teacher the marvelous Miss Ethel came & took Erin with her to get ready. I cannot sing Miss Ethel's & Miss Monica's praises loud enough. They are 2 amazing women who are totally dedicated to teaching young children - not just their ABCs & 123s but also how to be good people.

As we waited outside, I got to talking with the mother of a girl who will be in Erin's camp bunk this summer & Kindergarten class come August. Michelle & I met last week at my office & got to talking. Anyway, it was nice to have someone to chat with while we waited since if it was only David & myself, a box of tissues wouldn't have been enough.

As we were seated in the sanctuary, I thought back to the day we received Erin's referral. That picture showed me a glimpse of the child who I had been waiting for all of my life - Erin. As I thought back, I realized that Erin was like a blank slate, a blackboard with no writing. Then I remembered the day we were joined as a family. Erin still didn't have a clue what was in store for her - a loving, supportive family & many friends.

Each year that Erin has been with us, I am always amazed by her. She is a beautiful, caring, loving child. If there is a baby around, she zeroes in on that baby. Her only concern is that the baby isn't lonely or doesn't need anything. In school, if a classmate needs assistance, I am told by Miss Ethel & Miss Monica that Erin is the first one up to help out.

David & I are so proud of Erin's accomplishments. The baby who couldn't sit up when we adopted her, now is on her way to flying through life.

Mazal Tov Chuchie! Mama & Dada love you - a whole big bunch, always & forever, no matter what!